In my 20’s I was a mess, I realized I needed to focus on getting help. I quickly learned, however, that going to therapy (and finding the right therapist) is sort of a weird game.

At face value, therapists can be hard to find. They may not specialize in your specific needs, they might not take your insurance, they might not be taking new patients, and if they are taking new patients, they might be scheduling a few months out!

I fell into this a few times. I had changed jobs and insurance a bunch, which meant playing musical therapists depending on insurance coverage. And if there is medication involved, it will most likely mean working with two people as you’ll need a psychiatrist or other medical professional to prescribe but they don’t usually offer talk therapy as well. Then you’ll need a second professional for the talk therapy part which is more a psychologist’s territory, or a social worker. And that can be confusing if your prescriber and talk therapist don’t work in the same practice. Sometimes it works out just fine, other times it can be frustrating because you sort of become a middle man giving them both information.

Then on a deeper level, it is crucial to find a therapist you connect with. In theory, this is someone you will be opening up to. Someone who will learn your deepest fears and secrets. Someone who will help you work through your traumas. It has to be someone your trust. It can be easier said than done, but you’re allowed to be picky. Your therapist might be absolutely great, someone you’d love to hang out with and go get drinks with. But not quite someone you’d bare all to, and from what I’m told, this is super common! Therapists know this and don’t take offense! Perhaps you are more comfortable with someone of the same gender, or opposite gender. Perhaps you’d prefer virtual therapy instead of in person. It’s all totally normal and totally up to you.

Something I didn’t realize is sometimes you need a specialist. I have spoken to lots of wonderful therapists. Just incredibly helpful and knowledgeable and insightful. But there was a funny grind somewhere that I couldn’t put my finger on at first. I was going to these therapists to talk about OCD and address the behaviors and try to stop the cleaning and the counting. A lot of times, I’d notice the conversation veering more towards my relationships. How were my partner and I doing at any given time? Or they’d ask about my overall mood, or if I’m tired throughout the day. All completely valid conversation topics. But not necessarily OCD related. I know I had seen OCD listed on their website, that’s why I contacted them! What I realized is, there is a big difference between a therapist who is familiar with OCD and it’s behaviors, and a therapist who specializes in OCD. No fault of anyone’s, just something to be aware of!

It’s a lot. In a few years I think I counted seeing over a dozen professionals, I had tried 5 different medications, and had enrolled in an OCD specific program. I was jaded, I was tired of telling everyone my story, I was just annoyed and wanted to be left alone. I took a break, reset, and I’m now looking for a new therapist. And even though it might take a bit, it’s totally worth it to hunt down the right therapist for you. It will truly make all the difference.